Surrogate Episode IV

This is NSFW.  For Language, sacrilege, and disregard for social correctness.  See the warning in the introduction to Episode I.

Surrogate Episode IV
Original June 17, 2009

“First, you have to realize it’s not ‘up here.’”


“Heaven.  Or your imagining of heaven.”

“Oh, hello.  I thought that was me talking to me, there.  How are you?”

“I’m wonderful beyond your understanding.  Thanks for asking.”

“So heaven’s not up?  Where is it?”

“Umm.  That’s impossible for you to understand, but it’s not really up.  Imagine space.”

“Impossible?  Nothing is impossible for you.”

“I said impossible for you to understand.  Not impossible for me to explain.”

“But if you explained I wouldn’t understand?  So it’s impossible for you to explain it so I could understand?”

“You’re pushing again.  That’s the riddle of the ages.  I can explain that too.”

“But not so I would understand?”

“If I didn’t find you mildly amusing, and didn’t take small pleasure in messing with you, I’d make a new rule here.”

“I apologize.  It’s just it seems I could get the answers if I asked the right questions. So, okay, I picture space.”

“Big place.  Nice place, but cold.”

“I’ll take your word for that.”

“How nice.  Refreshing, actually.  Well, heaven is not up any more than space is up. Oh, and hell, that’s another really big place.  It’s not hot.  Hell, that is.”

“Can’t be as bad as the bible-thumpers paint it then.”



“Worse.  But not hot.  You might come to understand I like warmth. But again, it’s not cold either.  It’s miserable.  It’s just, well, hell.”

“Well you understand then why I was thinking your opening remark could have been my mind messing with me.”

“It’s a flawed instrument.  Your mind.  Man’s mind.  Not necessarily yours in particular.  Maybe.  Anyway, that’s why I’m here.”

“Well, your knowing tomorrow’s news and all, and saying ‘If’ I ‘get up’ there.”


“That’s scary.” 

“Good.  I am awesome.  Don’t you think?”

“A hint, maybe?”

“So you’d know the final score and figure maybe ‘what’s the point?’ and stop your infrequent attempts to be less, oh, let’s use your word, wicked?  Or is it ‘sinful?’”

“Either one.  Probably.”

“My point.  Worry about it a while.  Anyway, heaven, as you call it, is not up.  And it’s big.  Not as big as hell, but big.”

“Bigger than space?”


“And not here?”


“You play with me.”

“(Snicker) Playing, if you will, the devil’s advocate.”

“You have a sense of humor.”

“I have to.”

“Double whammy.  A joke and tossing in the will concept.”

“No joke.  I don’t joke.  But I do have a sense of humor.  Look at the platypus.”

“Strange beast.  What were you going for there?”

“I don’t remember.  Realize there are a lot of distractions to deal with.”

“Um, yeah.  So. Heaven is bigger than space.  That seems unnecessary – space could hold all there ever was of mankind and all there ever will be.”

“What? You think you’re the only game in town?”

“We’re not alone?  Mankind?”

“Never have been.  Weren’t first either.”

“Holy cow!

“No such animal.  Platypus, yes.  Holy cow, no.” 

“Oh, by the way, Jack is doing well.”

“I know that.”

“I know that.”

“No, you don’t.  Your doubts are legend.  Gabe and I were talking the other day and…”

“You don’t make it easy not to have doubts. Your rules are arbitrary…”


“Yes.  For example, ‘Pray to the father thus…’”


“The bible. Your bible.”

“I’m not going to tell you again.  Not mine.”

“Well, never mind then, if this is a case of the scribes sitting down and…”

“Dogma.  Why would I restrict supplications to a defined form?  Look at all the wonderful variety I’ve scattered around.  Does that even suggest it proper to bore me with the same standard prayer for health, a different standard prayer for prosperity, one standard prayer for ‘deliverance from mine enemies’?”


“Damn straight. Form letters.  Don’t need’m. “

“Maybe that’s why you seem to lose interest in what’s going on.”

“I dunno, could be.  What do you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“Oh, but it does.  It does.  It only stops mattering what you think when you think what you think doesn’t matter.”

“Free will again?”

“No.  Don’t wear this free will thing out.  You have a lot more latitude than you realize.  Thought, will, spirit, power over your immediate destiny.”


“Mankind.  Say, what’d you have for lunch today?”

“Tuna sandwich.  Pickle.  Glass of iced tea.”

“Yuk.  I think I’ll have an anchovy pizza and a cold beer.”

“Ha!  That must be a bit of humor there.  You?  A pizza?  A beer?”

“     ”


“     ”

“Cold beer?”

“     ”

“Does sound better than a tuna sandwich…”

© SP Wilcenski 2020

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