Surrogate Episode III

This is NSFW.  For Language and sacrilege.  See Episode I for an introductory warning.

Surrogate Episode III
Original June 13, 2009


“     ”



“What’s that? That a bit of respect, there?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What gives?  You got a ‘biggie’ in the works?”

“No, sir.  I mean you called me.  I usually have to dial out.  This line never rings in.  I’m stunned.  Something bad for me?”

“No, not today. Remember, you started this.”

“Well, no; you look at it carefully, you started it.  You hadn’t sneezed I wouldn’t be here.”

“Metaphysical crap. How’s Jack?”


“Y*******.  You know, the gumball in New Hampshire.”

“I’m aware.  This must be that ‘free will’ thing again. He’s progressing.  Setting goals.  Pushing the envelope.  Says he has some trouble sleeping.”

“Tell him to slow down.  Breathe deep.  See if he can tell roses from carnations. Sleep.  That’s a tough one.  I have trouble sometimes, too.”




“During the creation I worked hard.  That was a long time ago and I was younger and full of piss.  Still, after ‘the firmaments’ well, I do get tired and I do rest.”

“Rest.  Sure, but sleep?”

Semantics. You and Jack play that game all the time.”

“Well, Jack.  You asked.  Has a list of things he wants to do.”

“Don’t we all? You wanna hear my list?”

“Not things he wants.  Things he wants to do.”

“Don’t ignore my question – we’ll get to my list and I’ll put some of my list on your list.  What’s Gumball Jack want?”

“He has that list you could read it, and…”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. …  Yeah, good things.  Except that hockey thing.”

“You’re fast.  That’s amazing.”

“Yes, it is.  Good you noticed.”

“Not a fan of hockey?”

“You play hockey on ice.”


“Ice.  Ice suggests cold.  At least where you have your feet balanced on slivers of silver. That’s stupid too.”

“You don’t like the cold so why is so much of creation so cold?”

“You mean like (snicker) space?”

“Yes, like space.”

“You grasp the concept of good and evil, Yin and Yang, sweet and sour?  By the way, hell is a big place.”

“Good and evil, yes; if there is not one, it’s impossible to recognize the other and then it becomes a philosopher’s quest – ‘Does good exist if there is no evil?’”


“But so much space, what astrophysicists say is filled with nothing – no air, no heat, no motion of anything.”

“Used to say.  You can’t see a lot from where you are.  Vast needs some redefinition.  It’s about fifty-fifty when you understand it all; if you get up here, you’ll see.  And space as you call it is really not empty.  Astrophysicists… like doctors.” 

“You’re not a fan of any class of people, are you?”

“I’m a fan of people, some more than others. But some classes start to feel that education or money or good looks or whimsical idolization by teen females make their class special.”

“Astrophysicists and nubile groupies – not a natural pairing.”

“Concept.  Try to keep up.  We’re not talking concrete here, we’re talking concept.”

“I personally admire astrophysicists and quantum physicists.”

“How do you think neutrinos get from place to place – that puts them ‘in space,’ so space is not ‘empty,’ right?  And what about quaxons?”


“Oops – that’s next year.”

“Quaxons.  I’ll have to remember that.  Your years – like a thousand years, or our years, like, well, like our year?”


“The Bible.  ‘His day is as a thousand years.’  Or some such.”

“You really have to stop throwing that bible thing in my face.”

“The word of God.”


“’If?’  What do you mean, ‘If?’”

“     ”

“You said, ‘If I get up there.’”

“     ”


“     ”  


© SP Wilcenski

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