Old Saint Nick

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, he’s loading up his sleigh.
Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, he’ll soon be on his way.
Well, I been bad, but won’t be sad – if Nicky has to pass me by.
Done had my fun; still ain’t done – there’s girls ain’t met this guy.

Now I wrote my list, here’s the gist, of what I wanted just last year:
A stockin really packed, with a lady really stacked, wishes I made clear.
Got a brand new tie – still wonderin why – bunch of other nifty things.
Because of this, I’ll work my list – don’t care what Uncle Nicky brings.

It ain’t so cool, mindin’ all the rules, being nice and acting good.
With the ladies lookin’ fine, and havin half a mind, for what is understood.
We dance a little bit, rest a bit and sit, sipping on some brews.
We leave a little early, she asks and I say, “Surely!” – how could I refuse?

Yeah, Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, got goodies in his sleigh.
Yup, Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, he’s smokin’ right this way.
He won’t stop here, that’s dadgum clear, lest he’s droppin’ off some coal.
Big bad boys don’t get no toys  – least that’s the story I been tole.

I like’m tall, I like’m small; and they seem to like my moves.
I like Maureens, I like Justines, and Bobbis, Jeans and Sues.
If Nicky could, I think he would, pack these goodies in his sleigh.
But for Mrs. Claus, giving Nicky pause, I think there’s just no way.

I guess this year, he won’t stop here, he’ll have a shorter trip.
I hung no stockin, I’ll be a rockin, down at Tony’s Pirate Ship.
Don’t want them toys, I’ll get the joys, of squeezing ladies tight.
Do a bit of huggin, get a bit of lovin – now and and ev’ry night.

Yeah, Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, flingin’ goodies from his sleigh.
Old Saint Nick is comin pretty quick, scarfin’ cookies on his way.
Well, I’d be sad, instead of glad, was I like the other little boys.
But it’s girls I need, my fire to feed – Nicky, you can keep your toys.

© SP Wilcenski 2009

9 thoughts on “Old Saint Nick

    1. Thank you sir. Shouldn’t encourage the animals like that. That was more than a decade ago when I thought…. No more. I’ve been drinking get-real juice.

  1. Do I know this thoughts?! Yes, too well! I have met that guy, not only once! I hope Santa hit him with the slade…😉😂😂😂 Very good written though! 👍👍👍

      1. Oh, signora intelligente! Dovresti usare parte dell’energia delle tue frustrazioni per scrivere pezzi umoristici in cui il tuo protagonista si vendica di uomini spregevoli. Ti sentiresti vendicato, divertiresti te stesso e gli altri e metteresti quelle orribili creature predatrici al loro posto. Grazie per avermi contattato su questo thread.

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