Grab Me A Beer

It was so hot outside it would cook you alive.
The sign on the bank read one hundred and five.
Two bars in that town so I picked me out one.
Then I walked in mostly to hide from the sun.
Was not much of a place but at least it was cool.
I asked for a beer, found an un-busy stool.
The barkeep said, “Howdy, you’re not from ‘round here?”
Answered him, “Nah, just came in to grab me a beer.”

            Didn’t want to shoot pool, wasn’t looking for cheer,
            Thought I’d shed some heat with a cool beer.
            Lest you think elsewise, I’ll make it quite clear:
            I snuck into the tavern to order a beer.

Leaning on the jukebox and pondering his picks,
Was an ape who looked like he’d fight just for kicks.
Big brute then faced me and asked me just so,
Could I finish his list, still had two songs to go.
“We got Merl, we got Willie, which will it be?”
I thought Pancho and Lefty’ would do it for me.
Instead, said “Nice offer, don’t care what I hear.”
“Thank you for asking, just came in for this beer.”

            Music’s delightful, some say good soulful food.
            Depends almost always if it matches your mood.
            Some songs cause fighting, some songs make love.
            Some simply good listening, push comes to shove.

A dollied-up lady parked just five stools down,
Clearly fancied herself to be talk of the town.
I can’t hardly tell ya without seeming crude,
The flesh that she showed me on her way to the dude.
At me, she hollered, “Hey cowboy!” – I set down my glass,
“Was you getting an eyeful of my perky ass?”
Most men for sure would’a watched her big rear,
I answered, “Not me ma’am, just drinking my beer.”

            What I call a two-seater, she filled out those jeans.
            Her sweater was struggling; you know what that means.
            Seen Holsteins with less frontage, less to and less fro,
            Lesser men most likely would giddup-go! 

The ape at the jukebox, of a sudden displeased.
Seems the gal who was yelling was the one that he squeezed.
The man took offense, looked that we’d soon swap blows.
No doubt he’d the muscle to muss up my nose.
While he covered the distance, I made my case,
As quick as I could to safeguard my face.
“It’s hell hot outside, a bit cooler in here,
I just been sitting here enjoying this beer.”

            He swung at me hard, but missed with his blow,
            I smashed in his nose, broke two fingers you know.
            He swatted again but his heart wasn’t in it.
            The tussle was over in less than a minute.

Mopping blood from his face, he asked me real nice,
“You know she’s a lady makes most men look twice?”
“Yes sir, I admit that, but you just have to see,
Ain’t the ladies but men that interest me.”
That stopped the dewd cold, he couldn’t handle that.
While the ape stood there stunned, I snatched up my hat.
Then I stepped outside, found the sun hot as before.
And the sign on the bank blinked one hundred and four.

© S P Wilcenski 2020

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