You are not really here, right?
Are you desperate for cheap cruise tickets or elastic waistband ultra-thin stretchy denim pullup trousers? Elvis collectible plates? Perhaps a complete collection of souvenir spoons from every state penitentiary in the CONUS?
Not here. I do offer my condolences. You are in a bad way. If you have a genuine need, there are organizations ready to help.
Consider the well-known old gaffers’ site which gives you, free-of charge, a subscription to their newsletter and their monthly magazine. Both over 40% pure ads. Most of those advertisements by companies for products no sane person under the age of 140 would consider necessary or luxury. Most easily considered blatant rip-offs, insults to the membership. First, you must be a member. To be a member you pay a fee. Amazing. Then you get all this “free stuff.” Oh, wait until they have a membership push, you receive free, and postage paid, a collapsible tournament marble bag, in your choice of either Scottish Highland, or Malawambian Bold patterns.
Following closely in the contest to insult and cheat the very population they “serve” is a reasonably well-known veteran’s organization, which does comparatively little for members, but does provide a swell monthly magazine loaded to the gills with ads asking you to pay outlandish prices for cheap military memorabilia, second-quality clothing items, insurance policies, hearing aids, collectible coins, pocket knives, junk jewelry, and insane kitsch collectibles. When, that is, you are not busy seeing if you qualify to join a class action suit against everyone from Burgers-R-Us to “we’re the government, would we lie to you?”
Oh, but wait, there’s more! You get exclusive discounts.
(Someone call “BS!”)
The same discounts with both companies, most of which offer goods and services no one needs. Most of which are offered by every other members-only organization to an “exclusive” population.
“What! You don’t consider 15% off your next surgery to remove a rhinoceros horn from your rectum a valuable discount?” Go figure.
© SP Wilcenski 2020