Surrogate Episode VI

This is NSFW.  For Language and sacrilege.  See Episode I for an introductory warning.

Surrogate Episode VI
Original July 6, 2009


“     ”


“What?  Yo?”

“Yo.  I’m here. Let’s talk.”

“Yo.  Yo, indeed.  So?”

“Trendy huh?”

“Not trendy.”

“It is trendy.”

“It’s not.  And not for you, especially.  Trendy doesn’t look good on you.”

“Well, I gotta do something.”

“To do what?”

“To up my ratings.”

“You don’t need ratings.”

“People gotta stop all the gimme this gimme that. Start listening.”


“And start doing things.  Get a suitcase.”

“Get a grip?  Suitcase; handle; grip?”

“Yeah, grip.”

“You don’t need ratings.  You want attention, bust some ass.”


“Is that “trendy” again?”



“Not intentionally.”

“Good rap on the knuckles.  Couple of times.  You’ll get attention.”


“I think this economic thing is a good start.”

“Not mine.”


“Yeah, his.”


“     ”

“You could step in.”

“You asking?”

“Well, it’s getting ugly.”

“Ugly never hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, but the little guys…

“All the minions he placed are eventually going to screw it up and it’ll die like a bad fart.”

“Yeah, and all the biggies will be that much better off.”



“They screw up don’t get the job done, he calls’m back pulls their seniority and they ride deep in shit for a long time.”

“Well, I guess that’s good news.”

“Nah.  It’s only temporary, he’ll come up with something else.”



“So what?”

“What’d you want?”

“You gotta stop that.”

“Something’s bugging you.  You’re off your feed.”

“Actually. I’ve gained five pounds.”

“Figger of speech.  You’re bent.”



“Well, you know.”

“Yes, I do.”


“So spill it.”

“Isn’t that inefficient? You know and I have to explain and ask and then we get to the bones?”

“You have to see the problem to understand it.  When you say it, you see the words.  It’s real, not a wisp of smoke from autumn leaves.”

“Then I solve my own problems?  That’s slick.”

“I am awesome.”

“What, “awesome”?”

“You know.  Cool.  Happening.  The bomb.”

“No.  You’re not that ‘awesome.’”


“Not that kind of awesome.  Awesome as the youngsters use it means nothing.”


“Yup.  They can’t think of anything else to say about something, can’t think of meaningful words to describe the beauty, ferocity, uniqueness, or wonder of something, they just call it “awesome” so everyone will know they think it’s good stuff when really everyone knows they really don’t give a shit one way or another about it.”

“Never say “awesome” when they really like something?”


“Or when it really is awesome?”

“Oh, yeah, probably, but then because they’re too damned lazy to invest brain power in an original and more accurate description.  Or they can’t.”


“Then there’s to root meaning of the word…  ‘Dumbstruck fear.’”

“Like ‘fear of God?’”

“None other.”

“Yeah. I like that: fear of God.”

“No, these boobs go to church, penny-fill the collection plate, and figger they’re heaven-bound.  In the door and contribute; it’s like they buy insurance and if you don’t deliver, they’ll just sue your ass.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“As sure as I am about the bubble-headed way girls and some women talk, raising their voices at the end of a sentence as if their vocal cords just swooped up a skateboard ramp.”

“California-girl talk?”



“Just so you don’t blow a gasket, you are awesome.  But first we have to purify the word. It’s like everything else youth picks up and wears out. Trivialized. Cheapened.  They want so much to show how unique they are, they do what everyone else does, throwing away every breath of individuality they had.”

“I’m out of time right now.”

“How about my stuff? Might be good to kick it around some.”

“We’ll have to sit down over a couple of beers next time and get to serious stuff.”

“You and me?”

“Who am I talking to, your shoes?”

“A couple of beers?”

“You’re buying.”

“Super!  How about next Friday night?”

“     ”


“     ”


© SP Wilcenski 2021

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