Tick-tick, tick-tock. I mean, blip, blip, blip… No. Wait! What do I mean?
Zooks! Just read where there’s such a thing as a ‘wandering black hole.’ Let’s work this through: a black hole sucks stars into its gaping maw. Stars! Like suns and bigger. Much bigger. Okee. Let’s imagine a black hole gets impatient and sucks so hard, it slingshots itself faster than light to our little solar system and starts sucking-away. Good night all. Not inconceivable. I mean, maybe it doesn’t even have to travel. Just turns itself inside out and wormholes instantaneously from there to here.
As if I didn’t have enough to worry about.
“Man, every clock in my house tells a different time!”
“Bugs me. Walk from my bedroom thinking I’ve plenty of time for my two o’clock appointment, then the clock in the living room tells me I’m late!”
“Yeah. There’s a simple fix, bud.1”
“Get rid of some clocks.”
“I don’t buy the damned things, you know. You buy a blinking vacuum cleaner, you get another damned clock, and it’s not ever going to be the same as any other clock in the house. Why do I need a clock on my toothbrush?”
“Just how many clocks do you have?”
“Lemme see… Just in the house… The bedroom… Two bedrooms upstairs… The living room… Dining room… Kitchen… Den… My office… More than ten. Fifteen. Maybe twenty!”
“Six in the kitchen alone. Oven, two microwaves, toaster-oven, fridge2, coffee pot.”
“Well, there’s another fix.”
“I synch all the read-outs and a day later every damned one of them is behind or ahead, and none of them the same. Like it’s planned… Wait! Another fix?”
“There’s an application. Install it on your laptop. Create an account. Answer all the questions, acknowledge the GPS probe. Damned thing finds all your digital clocks, ‘smarts’ them into understanding they are going to be controlled henceforth, and your synchronizing days are over.”
“Imma give it a try.”
“Doesn’t do grandfather, grandmother clocks, wind-up or plug-in Beg Bens3 – none of the analogs.”
“I’m gonna do it, Dave, by damn, Imma do it!”
“Lemme know how it works out.”
“That app you put me onto?”
“Yeah. Neat, huh?”
“Lemme show you something.”
“Okay… There. Wow! Twenty-two time-display devices. Not even sure where they all are.”
“Let’s find out. Mouse over to ‘Studio.’ Click it. Now click on ‘Video’ and click on that… Count’m.”
“Oh, my gawd! This app has cameras in the kitchen, the damned cars, bedrooms…”
“Everywhere there’s a smart clock camera-equipped. And most of them are…”
“They can’t do that!”
“Why on earth…”
“Doesn’t seem right.”
“When was that ever an issue?”
“Yeah, Dave, but…”
“That’s not all. That’s real time. Mouse to the kitchen display. Click on it. Click ‘Archive.’”
“Umm. Just as soon not.”
“Why? You’re not doing anything in the kitchen you shouldn’t be, are you, Bubba?”
1 Bud: familiar male catch-all name. Buddy, pal, amigo, dewd, Bubba.
2 Fridge: Icebox, refrigerator, Frigidaire.
3 Big Ben: trade name alarm clock of the fifties popular even today with some folk who like the ‘tick-tock, tick-tock’ white noise.