Time to get out the whisk broom and dustpan. Let’s open up the bulging “Wordpress Pending” folder. If an item looks useable, use it. If it was ill-conceived when scrubbed from the post it was intended to adorn and still shows no promise, scrap it. If it’s a complete mystery, leave it in “Pending” another six months; maybe it will grow legs.
Not to worry. While rejects are headed for the electron wastebin, nothing is hazardous. At least not that I can determine. Pay no attention to the fact I’m dressed in hazmat togs. The teaser image is just that.
Seems a shame to throw some of this stuff out. Wonder if Goodwill1 takes unused, almost functional prose rejects? Probably not.
Anyway, we’re going to start 2021 with an empty reject file. Pardon me while I sort through things.
Oh, here’s one
Ah. No. Never mind. Too far over the “racy edge.” Not clever enough to invest much energy cleaning it up for public consumption. Maybe a short story in it? No. New year and all. Not really a resolution per se, but let’s see how long we can take the “high road” before cranking-up the “NSFW” icon.
Vitriolic – I’m not sure I’m proud to say this word has been tossed at me on several occasions. As an adjective it suggests severely critical, biting, bitter, or caustic in temperament or speech. Vile, mean, and nasty. Nothing about this word is good unless you use the noun root but that refers to sulfuric acid lending better definition to the adjective form. Dangerous, sulfuric acid has beneficial uses. Vitriolic demeanor has none. I mean, unless you’re building a character for a story.
If the sign says…
Swimming prohibited. Does that mean drowning is permitted?
Warning Deer Area. Warning who? Deer or people? I’ve heard of Whitetail Deer. Is there a deer called “Warning Deer”?
No passing. Can you still lateral?2
Maximum safe speed 45 mph. Um, okay. What’s the maximum unsafe speed?
No U-Turn. Can I do a J turn?
Is this a limerick?
A right-handed lass simply dubious,
And a liberal lad most curious,
On the polling just past
Were agreed and aghast:
“No matter who’s won, they’ll be screwin’ us.”
If at first you don’t suck seed, suck harder.
If your job were any easier, someone else would be doing it.
Learning more from failure than success? You need to try harder or improve your study habits.
If you’re not going to help, at least don’t get in the way.
Before you learn to fly, learn how to land.
If you spend more time dreaming than doing, you’re either lazy or have damned good dreams.
Work as if you know what you’re doing. Pretty soon you’ll believe it. Soon after that, others will believe it. Shortly after that, it will be true.
Tossed some introductory phrases. Meant to support a short story. You’ve heard these from time to time. Everyone has. When you hear them, you start rolling up your trouser legs.3 Often they introduce or close anecdotes boiling down to the first liar hasn’t got a chance.
- Trust me, I got this.
- Almost there.
- Just take a minute.
- You’re gonna love it.
- Would I lie to you?
- He’ll never miss it.
- This is my first time.
- For only nine ninety-five.
- It’s not heavy.
- Just pay shipping and handling.
- Won’t hurt a bit.
- Yes, Momma.
No factory seconds here
A few “pending” odds and ends survived the purge. One or two items were laid back. To guarantee there will be something to toss out next year. Most of what was I found was “scrap.” Some items, before sliding off into the electron abyss, prompted original nonsensical blurbs better than the original.
Now with an empty working folder, let’s see how long it takes to come up with the next “scheduled” post. I’m as curious as I hope you are.
Just checked my dosimeter. We’re good.
1 Goodwill. An international non-profit recycling household and personal goods and in the process, training and employing thousands of people who otherwise might not have employment opportunities.
2 American football. A lateral is a sideways pass.
3 Rolling up your pants leg. Suggesting fabrications, exaggerations, and outright lies will flow so deep and fast, it they were water, before long you’d be wet to your ankles. The common US inference is that lies are equivalent to a cesspool of outhouse overflow.