This morning, quite matter-of-factly, I mentioned I thought the steroids the doc put me on for four weeks are giving me headaches and making me testier than normal. The Boss snickered in that righteous way. Men, you know that special way. Ladies, admit it is an oft-used tool. Wordlessly letting me know she agreed. And then some, intimating steroids are not required to maintain my bellicosity.
Well, okay. But the headaches? Pfffft! Men don’t know headaches. All that without a word. I stand corrected.
It is my hope all stateside subscribers and casual readers are enjoying this day of annual celebration. For all the right reasons. Despite current extenuating circumstances. I don’t know about younger folks, but for most of us it doesn’t exhaust memories to look back on times equally trying either personally or as a nation. This holiday, regardless of mercenary underpinnings today and schmaltzy remarks aside, is a good time to stop and reflect. Your assessment. Your values. Take time.
Of course I hope those outside the US(of)A who put up with my drivel enjoy the “thanksgiving” season, too. More significantly, that all of us enjoy what I’ve always considered the “high” holiday season, from now through the New Year. Few would argue we don’t sorely need a “new” year. Which should make us more amenable to reflecting on what we do have as opposed to what we don’t as we use-up the last thirty-odd days of this year.
Whatever does he mean? Hardly have Halloween candies, decorations, and whatnot cleared the sale tables, before signal stylized turkeys, cornucopias, Pilgrim cutouts, and corn shocks put in a brief appearance. Brief and accompanied by the latest techno-decorative Christmas trees, garland, lights, music, and toys, toy, toys! Toys for kiddies from six-months to the real children – aged twenty to fifty.
Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend.
I suggest we pause, reflect, change. Yes, change. There may be saints out there already walking right, but most of us lose sight of what is important. Foremost on my Christmas list this year is worldwide delivery of the chemistry set that teaches us to re-channel avarice, animosity, and aggression.
Besides that, an excuse to be off work from Wednesday afternoon through to Monday of the following week. But of course.
The expected curmudgeonry
Especially those of you out there who’ve been Sysadmins, DBAs, Call or Service Center slaves, or final tier Software support will understand me here.
You’re doing your job, snowed under as always because you take your job seriously, believing against all odds you can solve all the legitimate problems of the world, making it a safer place to raise children, walk your doggie, and shop for fresh pineapple.
Up walks that user, client, software idiot, or group manager. You know that project manager, the one who wants a project change he’s just now telling you about, wants it done last week. The design analyst, who needs to you explain for the fourth time why the “feature” even her client has dismissed can’t be delivered. The user who manages to bespoil1 her logon twice daily. They come up with these demands always at the worst time conceivable, expecting immediate priority attention.
How nice if you could have one of those queue management “now serving” number dispensers on your desk. Better yet, a self-service kiosk (it is after all, all the rage) dispensing ready-made problem solutions. It might go like this:
SSSI – The Self-Serve Solution Inventory
(Also known as SBKO: The Snarky Book of Kiss-offs)
The answer to the question posed by the pain in the butt in front of you right now is in this list. Tell them, “Pick one you’re comfortable with and leave me alone.”
- You need more memory. 512 Meg oughta do it.
- I dunno. Try Control-Alt-Delete.
- The phone line. Call the phone company.
- The modem. Swap it out.
- Dirty power. Install a line-conditioner/UPS/Surge protector.
- Software on the other end. Let them fix it.
The whole (current) list is on sale today (consider it Black Friday) here.
Wishing you all a happy holiday season.
1 Seasons’ Greetings, spwilcen. The word you wanted to use (in fact have used) is socially incorrect, pseudo-gender-debasing, and deemed disrespectful by a tiny segment of society. A word which was itself not really a word but a substitute for one to which a tiny but larger segment of society takes umbrage. Soon you will realize your vocabulary is forever after limited to sixteen gender- race- religious- politically-neutral words. Get busy learning this new abrevo-language. Hmm. You see why icons and emoticons are taking over.