In 1L and 32oz bottles
“…and in other news we have a breaking story of national significance. From the field, our roving reporter, Bill Pointpen, with a live report. Take it away Bill…”
“…Thank you, Wally. I’m driving with the film crew up Interstate Five toward the small town of Blaine in Washington state. The first ‘Murder Hornets’ nest “found in the US is about to be destroyed,” up there as reported by C|Net Yesterday. The nest was located there in Blaine, a town about one-hundred miles north of Seattle on Interstate Five. It’s not believed the nest itself is actually on Interstate Five, but Blaine Washington is. C|Net reported that initial attempts to eradicate the nest were delayed ‘due to bad weather’.
“This reporter is curious and must ask: Really? Bad weather? Who is to blame for this? I mean aren’t they accustomed to rain and generally bad weather most of the year in Washington? Isn’t that why people there are surly and prone to violence? A little ‘weather’ put them off? Couldn’t they just grab a handful of shopping bricks and be done with the job? Is this a trick by the Democrats to impugn the efficacy of the Republican administration? Again, this reporter wants to know, and believe me, we’ll find out and report back to you in the days that follow…”
“…Pardon me, Bill but we have to break away, for a word from our sponsor…”
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“…Now, back to our scheduled news programming and Bill Pointpen…”
“…Thank you, again, Wally. One of the camera men has pulled up a map on his cellphone, and we’ve made a significant discovery. Blaine Washington is so close to Canada we’re gonna look real hard to see exactly where it is this Murder Hornet nest is located. Blane is actually closer to Vancouver than it is to Seattle. This could be entirely a Canadian Problem. If it is, you can bet Washington, the D.C. Washington, will clamor for the President to dispatch troops to the border. Already Democrats are suggesting Republicans have contracted with the Canadians to transport the nest south from Vancouver to Blaine to discredit national Democratic candidates.
“A reputable but unnamed source, Wally, tells us these hornets are about six feet long with dual stingers and auxiliary venom pods under each wing. WSDA agents were able to pinpoint the nest because one of the hornets attacked and carried a fully-grown Great Dane back to the nest. They were able to triangulate using the suffering dog’s howls…”
“…Sorry to interrupt, Bill, but we have breaking news on this story from the Pentagon, where MHLM demonstrators seek to interfere with any military actions instituted by the current administration, carrying signs reading ‘Manage Murder Hornets after the Election!’ But first, we break again for a word from our sponsors, Bandy Creek Brickworks…”
You think I’m making this stuff up? Ah, well, maybe some if it. I aspire to be a MSM reporter if the blog work doesn’t pan-out.