Incident Management – September 16, 2020

Spoiler: If you are easily offended by language, irreverence, sacrilege, or social innuendo, find a recipe blog to read.  This ain’t something you will be happy reading. I can suggest several good ones to distract you, entertain you, and expand your culinary skills and repertoire.  Written by decent people.

The grass is growing like a first-rate hayfield.  Suspect it may be the chemicals drifting in from out west.1 I don’t know whether to send thanks to Gov Newsom, et alia or go into a snarky sidepiece. Best hold off on the snark, as tempting as it is.  There are folk out there in jeopardy.  Not a good time for snarky.  It’s time for genuine concern.   Not that I’m going to be concerned enough to send all my surplus money out there in response to all the internet “what you can do to help” pitches. I may do some research to see how much Left Coast money drifted into our city in answer to “how you can help” after the unrest here.  Don’t recall a great deal of Sacramento Silver arriving to help after the flood a decade ago either.  I can probably relax; if I’m expected to respond in kind, my response will be miniscule.

Do hope that like the power company2 held liable a few years ago for Left Coast fires, whenever a human is found to be directly responsible for these latest fires, they are held criminally accountable.  I know a lot of folk out on the Left Coast are um, ah, unusual, but crapola, folks, as dry as you are out there, as bad as your fires have been in the past, you’d think all but the most ignorant would refrain from pyrotechnics meant to impress your friends how well-off you were that you could spend some bucks on a declaration of pending blue or pink.3 Same jack4 could have started a nice college fund.  Liberal educations are expensive. Now instead, countless innocent thou join your celebration of gender by suffering terribly.

Yes, I realize there are other conflagrations.  And some up in other Lefty states out thataway.  But this one is the one that zips my gizzard.

Get the feeling someone is fed up?  Tired of trying to ‘understand’?  Weary of making allowances? Sick to death of the violent pissing and moaning by those who consider themselves deprived and downtrodden?  Ten points.  Next question.

Anyway, back to the grass.  We’ve had some real soakers.  Not necessarily connected with any Gulf Coast weather.   Returning from a visit to the eye doc yesterday, I found the yard still saturated from the deluge the night before.  The forecast was for one day of near sunshine then several days of rain through the coming weekend.  The grass was already too tall.  It was a waiting game.  By three pm, I judged the lawn dry enough to mow.  So I did.  As darkness fell, it did start to rain.  Not much though.

Reading of Sally this morning, the Gulf Coast is getting pounded.  That weather will eventually visit here. Good thing I got the hay in before Sally or what’s left of her arrives.

It will be several days of weather unsuited to outside activity.  We’ll see.  Writing too long neglected may see progress.

1 Can we sue California and the other fire pits for damaging our environment in middle America?  Seems the California thing to do.  I mean if Glade Gators escaped and invaded LA, or Macon Mosquitoes attacked Sacramento en masse, Left Coasties wouldn’t delay a moment before launching endangerment suits. 

2 PG&E. You don’t want to get started down this confused path.  Criminal?  Negligence? Inverse condemnation?  What?  Oh, yeah: Left Coast and lawyers and politics…

3 California.  Blue and pink do not represent an exhaustive list. However, I’m not aware of assigned traditional colors for the other fifty-five genders.  But wait.  The child will be one or the other to start with.  It will take years of screwing with the kid’s mind to get it to the point s/he realizes s/he is, wants to be, or could be something other than male or female. Never mind.

4 Jack. Money. Moola. Coin.

What follows was originally written for another site about the time COVID-19 sank its teeth into the world’s ass.  About the time many conspiracy theories were popular. Before the current spate of Left Coast wildfires.  Preparing to publish originally, I gave it a good read and held-off for mistaken concern for innocents suffering from COVID-19 and our mishandling of the whole of it.  Some could read the piece as callous disrespect. It’s not.  Wasn’t then.  Isn’t now. 

It is a scenario: demigods charged with “managing” the affairs of earth are trying to handle a developing incident, the destruction of what remained of Paradise.  Their conversation follows…

Incident Management

“We could try widespread wildfires.”

“What part of ‘save the planet’ do you not get?”

“Why not?”

“Burn trees, savannas, Los Angeles?  The Congo? Marseilles? We’re trying to save trees, animals, and ocean life.”


“Collateral loss of animal life.  Toxic gases.  Smoke.  Runoff erosion.”

“Okay.  Guess wildfires are out.”

“But let’s rethink Los Angeles…”

“How about a flood?”

“Been done. Remember The Big Guy’s shot at it?”

“It worked.”

“For a while.  The glitch was He let’m back. Boy, are they back!”

“We gotta do something.  Mankind is really screwing things up.”

“Need something to make’m stay off the damned highways.  Stop burning fossil fuel.  Stop dumping polycarbonates, polyvinyls, polyethylenes, polyanythings in oceans.  Stop burying crap.”

“Well, make them live in their shit.”

“Might work, but I’m not sure that’s the way to go.  By the time they started to hurt themselves, most of the stuff we wanna protect would be gone.”

“Right.  Maybe a big sports game?”

“Like the Stupid Bowl?  Or what is it?  The World Cup?”

“That’s Super Bowl.”

“Super, Stupid, whatever.”

“Oh.  That’s sarcasm?”

“Yup.  Besides that’s only a few days, leading-up to the big deal, then replaying the damned commercials over and over and over and …”

“Okay! I get it.”

“We need something to scare the shit out of them.  Make them stay home.  Permanent. Use less.  Waste less.  Seriously think about what the f…”

“Careful boss!”

“They need to think about what they’re doing.”

“They’ll adapt.”

“That’s the idea, you see?  Easier to stay home and do things. Costs less. Uses less. Shits the bed less.”

“Costs less?”

“Sure. No commuting.  Two hours’ petrocarbon use per car per day chopped right there and…”

“In L.A., maybe.”

“No, lots of places. Pay attention, dummy. Take a look right now…”

“…Oh.  Yeah.  Oh, look at that backup on I-95!”

“Fewer buildings.  Less to heat, to cool, to clean…”

“Save money.  They understand that.” 

“Lotta people would love that.  Corporations too.  Greedy CEO bastards would buy-in after they convince everyone it was their idea.  Get another mil or two a year in bonus from the stockholders.  But it’s gotta be permanent.”

“How about we cut off oil?”

“No. They’ll figure that one out.  Ferment corn.  Electricity.  Some might be tempted to walk.”

“That’d be great!”

“But not enough of them.”

“Well, shoot.”

“Has to be worldwide. Won’t work if only France and Italy stay home, drinking wine.”

“Maybe locust?”


“Plague?  I know a guy in China…”

“Old hat. They have cures for most of the stuff.  Medicine, vitamins, Yoga, Paleo-diet.  Besides, they’ll come to understand. It’s not like some serf sees his neighbor drop dead and figures there’s nothing he can do.  Now, they’ll cruise the internet and convince themselves it’s not serious.  Next thing you know, they’re back at their old ways.  Risks or not.”

“Well, how about…”

“No!  Wait! Some new disease.  That has merit! Something deadly. The more insidious, real or perceived, the better.”


“Call your guy in China.”

PSA: See the “Updates” tab. “Life’s Like That” has a new “Too Close to the Edge” entry.  It’s grossly NSFW.  I did warn you on the home page.  And I’m warning again here.  Old, conservative, white, of eastern European ancestry, male, Republican (unproven but assumed, though it’s a lie), ex-military, modestly educated, and un-entitled, this minority member is tired of all the other downtrodden, abused, neglected, oppressed, entitled minorities getting all the attention, money, deference, and tacit permission to be lawless.  A turn for the worst. You do have an option.

Another PSA: Time permitting and surviving NSFW edit, one or two “Conversations” and one “Here’s the Deal” may be added to the “Writing” tab off the home page.  If they don’t, there will be no additional announcement.  You don’t care anyway.

Published by spwilcen

Retired career IT software engineer, or as we were called in the old days, programmer, it's time to empty my file cabinet of all the "creative" writing accumulated over the years - toss most of it, salvage and publish what is worthwhile.

4 thoughts on “Incident Management – September 16, 2020

    1. I would love to be optimistic but I am not. Wish I could chat briefly with some WWI and WWII folks (among others) to see if they felt times then were as ugly as they seem today. I have little faith in people anymore and less faith they will find a solution to any problem. Bad enough if there was but one; there are many. Thanks for your comment and obviously for your analysis and thoughtful comparison.

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